某淑女，今隐其名，昔日在大学时良友；分隔多年，消息渐阙。日前偶闻突然失踪；本想送张圣诞贺卡，可是换新手机没留存通讯录。询其家人，竟一无所知；她莫名其妙一夜烟消云散，手机关闭，空屋里只留下一满架数学教科书。消失已经一年半。疫情前，她爱写博客，但我事务繁忙从未读过。我想长久才记起博客链接，居然可以打开，颇有可观。因为使用化名𠿛讯隐藏身份。为保隐私，我删除姓名、日期、地名。
Once there was a lady, name withheld, with whom I was good college friends. We had not talked for many years and gradually lost contact. A few days ago, by chance, I heard she had suddenly disappeared. I wanted to send her a Christmas card, but I got a new cell phone and lost her contact information, so I asked her family. Surprisingly, they knew nothing. One night, she vanished like smoke. Her phone was shut off. The only thing that remained in the empty room was a shelf full of mathematics textbooks. She had been missing for a year and a half. Before the pandemic, she loved to blog, but I was too busy and never read it. I had to think for a long time before I remembered the blog link. Astonishingly, it actually opened. I recalled she used a pseudonym, Lǔ Xùn, to hide her identity. In order to maintain privacy, I removed names, dates, and locations.
Lǔ Xùn¹ Blog
一
开车开了总共十七个小时，我终于到了地点。第一位迎接我的是一只橘黄松鼠，像唐纳德·特朗普，染头金皇，喷涂棕褐假皮。进入公寓，觉得不划算，房租高于住在X州、X州或X州，可是屋子比以前的小。租金低一点的公寓不准租给我，理由是我的年薪超于X美金。我以为我听错了，哪儿有赚钱太多不让租的道理。
One
After driving a total of 17 hours, I finally arrived. The first to welcome me was an orange squirrel, resembling Donald Trump's dyed blond hair and fake spray-on tan. Upon entering the apartment, immediately I felt I had overpaid. The rent was higher than when I lived in X, X, or X, but the space was smaller. They refused to rent cheaper apartments to me, saying my annual salary exceeds $X. I thought I had misheard. Since when was making too much money a reason not to rent someone an apartment?
二
第一天去上班，进不去大门。虽然有钥匙卡，但门仍然锁闭，只能干等，跟同事进出。公司也没给我安排一个位子坐，老板让我坐在别人的办公室里，也没有电脑。我只能用自己私人笔记本电脑，使用VPN才能勉强办公。可是我的电脑无法连接办公室的打印机，所以不能打印出我需要的文件。
Two
On my first day of work, I couldn’t enter the building. Even with a keycard, the door remained firmly locked. I was stuck waiting. I had to follow coworkers coming in and out. I didn’t have a designated desk. My manager placed me in someone else’s office, without a computer. I had to use my own personal laptop, and, with significant difficulty, was able to get a little bit of work done via VPN. However, my laptop was not connected to the company’s printers, so I could not print the documents I needed.
三
同事问我怎么突然今天坐在他的拐角边。过了五十三天才给我安排固定办公位置和电脑。我就诉苦说两个星期后钥匙卡才管用，过了差不多两个月才有电脑。他大吃一惊说他的经历完全不同。这位同事跟我一起开始；第一天就有办公室和电脑甚至还发笔记本电脑可以随意在家里办公。当然我们受到不同的待遇，他是白人男士。
Three
Today, a coworker asked me why I was suddenly sitting near his corner. Only after 53 days, did they give me a designated place to sit with a computer. So I complained to him, and said that it took two weeks for my to keycard work, and almost two months before I was issued a computer. His mouth dropped open in astonishment. He replied that his experience was entirely different. We started at the same time. On the first day, he had an office with a computer and even a laptop to work from home anytime. Of course, we were treated differently – he’s a white man.
四
有时候女同事会匆匆忙忙地往家里跑说要回去给老公做饭。她老公又没生病又不残废，饿不死。我建议她去看《芭比》（Barbie）电影。她说特别想看可是老公没有兴趣，所以不能去看。我觉得我简直就是进入了《继福妻子》（The Stepford Wives）电影里。
Four
One woman in the office sometimes rushes home to cook for her husband. He is neither ill nor handicapped. He certainly will not starve to death. I recommended the Barbie movie to her. She said she really wants to watch, but her husband isn’t interested, so she can’t. It’s like I have stepped into a scene from The Stepford Wives.
五
女同事发现我是单身，立刻开始帮我找对象。我没有托付她帮我，也不要她帮我。她一天到晚问我喜欢什么样的男人，我感到很烦。
“你一定要比你赚钱多的，对吧？”
“钱我不在意，我要比我聪明的。”
“你终于肯说出条件了。”
“他必须是女权主义者。我们的关系必须平等。”
“噢，我认识一位很好的男生，从来没有打过女人，一次都没有。”
Five
When my coworker discovered that I was single, she immediately became my matchmaker. I never asked her to be my matchmaker, nor do I want her to be my matchmaker. She asked me all day long about what type of man I like. It’s so annoying.
“He must make more money than you, right?”
“That doesn’t matter to me. He must be smarter than me.”
“Finally! You’re willing to tell me what you like.”
“He must be a feminist. I want an equal relationship.”
“Oh! I know a very nice man. He’s never hit a woman, not even once.”
六
快下班时，同事问有没有人想跟他一起去唱卡拉OK。我犹豫了一下因为我的作业还没做完；我也没有告诉任何人晚上在上课。我想就去一会儿，露个面就走。女同事也照样犹豫着，她说怕老公会不高兴。
我以为会有包间，实际上是酒吧。酒吧前面有两个麦克风，一位女士正在唱歌，一位男士为她伴唱。音乐好像是加勒比节奏，一听就想跳舞。每面墙上都有屏幕显示歌词，每面墙上也有电视机和国旗，就没有一个安宁的地方落眼。一台电视播放天气预报，另一台播放政治新闻。电视没有声音，只有字幕。要是在这儿待着太久我怕会头晕。我唱歌也不怎么样，本来想唱一首歌就走。可是在酒吧前唱歌，我害羞。我说今天只听不唱，下一次来再唱。
我听同事们聊天。女士们在聊教育孩子的事情。
“最好还是在家里教育，不要送去公立学校。学校一点都不管品德，让孩子胡乱看书像《性别酷儿》（Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe）。”
我读过那本书，觉得不错，写的是玛雅·科巴贝的回忆录。我觉得孩子们应该去读一读。
“但是这本书也可以在公共图书馆借到。”
“他们在X公共图书馆干得漂亮！如果图书馆继续向孩子们推销这些书，家长们就会喧闹关闭图书馆。”
我在报纸上看过，X公共图书馆真的关闭了好几个月。我附近的图书馆也关闭了好长时间，说是发生了意外，着火了。我开始怀疑……
“学校课本也有问题。历史书里写得不就是来侮辱我们吗。孩子们会感到羞耻并失去自信。”
她们说的是要从美国历史教科书中删除奴隶制。我觉得美国应该向德国学一学，德国并不否认他们的纳粹历史而教导孩子们不要重复过去的错误。
“进化论就是错的。圣经上写得明明确确，神创造了人。”
我估计这些人不信任科学也没接种疫苗。
“在家上学就可以教导孩子爱上帝、爱国家、孝顺父母。”
除了爱上帝以外我听怎么跟孔子说的是一套话。我听不下去了。
男士们在聊枪展。
“我最近去的枪展好红火了！有许多支持特朗普总统的好汉，出售特朗普总统体恤、帽子、旗子，什么都有。”
我不明白一个人要买这么多枪干什么，也不敢问。他们像十字军，正在准备打仗。 “你要是有心，想为共和党做小官，教会将提供财政支持。”
“教会始终保护生命，反堕胎。”
我听着心里难过。
电视上的天气预报： “明天会下大雨，后天会结冰。星期天早上去教堂要小心！”
我把注意力转移到歌词上，那活泼欢快的加勒比音乐其实唱的是要“爱耶稣”。所选的许多歌曲都是情歌，歌词里也有宗教含义。每一首歌都有“爱”和“神”这两个字。我仔细听歌词，才从歌缝里听出字来，每首都有两个字是“嫁人”！
歌中含着这许多字，同事们聊天说了许多话，都笑吟吟的睁着怪眼看我。
“你在发什么呆呢？我想给你介绍一个人，可以现在把他叫过来。你看怎么样?”
我趁着她没有注意的时候就溜了。我怕会被活吞了！
Six
It was almost time to get off work, when a coworker asked if anyone wanted to go sing karaoke. I hesitated for a moment because I had not finished my homework. I had not told anyone I was taking classes in the evenings. Maybe I can just pop in and pop out. My matchmaker also hesitated, afraid her husband would be angry.
I assumed my coworkers would rent a karaoke room, but it was actually a bar. In the front of the bar were two microphones; there was a woman singing, and a man accompanying her. The music had a vibrant Caribbean beat, which made me want to jump up and dance. On every wall was a screen displaying the lyrics, also on every wall was a TV and the national flag. There wasn’t a single peaceful place to rest my eyes. One TV screen was broadcasting the weather, another TV screen was broadcasting political news. The TVs were muted, with the subtitles turned on. If I stay here too long, I’ll get dizzy. I’m not a good singer, assuming I would be in a private room, I was going to sing at most one song and leave. But I was definitely too shy to sing in front of strangers at a bar! I told my coworkers I’d just listen today and sing another time.
I listened to my coworkers chatting. The women were talking about parenting.
“It’s best to homeschool. Don’t send your kids to public school. They don’t care about morals and let children read books like Gender Queer.”
I’ve read Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe and thought it was a good book, worth reading. I think children should read it.
“However, that book is still available at the public library.”
“They did a great job at X Public Library! When the library tried to push these books on the kids, the parents protested to shut the library down.”
I read about what happened at X Public Library in the news, and it really did shut down for many months. The library closest to me also shut down. They said it was due to an accident. It caught on fire. Now, I am beginning to suspect ...
“The textbooks are also problematic. The history books were written to disgrace us. The children will feel ashamed and lose confidence.”
They are talking about censoring slavery from the US history textbooks. I think the US can learn from Germany. They do not deny their Nazi past, and teach their children not to repeat past mistakes.
“Evolution is wrong. It is clearly written in the Bible that God created man.”
These people probably do not believe in science and have not been vaccinated.
“Homeschooling will ensure proper education of children to love God, love our nation, and obey their parents.”
Other than loving God, this sounded exactly like Confucianism. So, I didn’t want to listen anymore.
Meanwhile, the men were talking about a gun show.
“The last gun show I went to was so inspiring! There were so many President Trump patriots, selling Trump shirts, hats, flags, everything!”
I don’t understand why anyone needs so many guns, and I’m afraid to ask. It’s like they are in the Holy Crusades, preparing for battle.
“If you’re serious about serving the Republican Party, and want to run for public office, the church will provide financial support.”
“The church will always protect life and be against abortion.”
I felt deeply distraught.
The weather report stated: “It will rain tomorrow and freeze overnight. Be careful going to church in the morning!”
I turned my attention to that lively Caribbean beat and realized she was singing about “loving Jesus”. Many of the songs selected were love songs with religious undertones. Every song had the two words, “Love” and “God”. I listened carefully to the lyrics, and started hearing words in between the silent spaces of the melody. Every song had the two words, “Marry him!”
The words in the lyrics, along with my coworker’s conversations ...
Everyone stared at me strangely, smiling.
“Snap out of it! I want to introduce you to someone, right now. What do you think?”
I slipped out when she wasn’t paying attention. I’m afraid I’ll be swallowed alive!
七
帕斯卡三角是概率论、组合学和代数中使用的二项式系数的三角形阵列。帕斯卡三角前八行的图表:
Seven
Pascal's triangle is a triangular array of the binomial coefficients used in probability theory, combinatorics, and algebra. A diagram of the first eight rows of Pascal’s triangle:
每个数字都是其正上方两个数字的和，空白条目视为 0。第一行的数字是 1，1 的左边是空白条目视为 0，0 和 1 之和是第二行左边的1。第四行左边的3是第三行左边的1和2之和。
Each number is the sum of the two numbers directly above it, and blank entries are designated as 0. The number in the first row is 1, the blank entry to the left of 1 is treated as 0. The sum of 0 and 1 is the 1 in the second row to the left. The 3 in the fourth row to the left is the sum of 1 (left) and 2 in the third row.
帕斯卡三角用于组合计算。一次取k个n项的组合数，可以通过以下方程计算：
Pascal's triangle is used in the calculation of combinations. The number of combinations of n items taken k at a time can be calculated by the following equation:
“n!”是所有小于或等于 n 的正整数的乘积，“0！” 视为 1。
"n!" is the product of all positive integers less than or equal to n, and "0!" is designated as 1.
例如 n = 5，那 n! = 5 × 4 × 3 × 2 × 1。例如 k = 3，那 k! = 3 × 2 × 1。
If n = 5, then n! = 5 × 4 × 3 × 2 × 1. If k = 3, then k! = 3 × 2 × 1.
这个公式可以用来计算帕斯卡三角的数字。帕斯卡三角的前六行:
This formula can be used to calculate numbers from Pascal's triangle. The first six rows of Pascal's triangle:
帕斯卡三角是二项式方程的系数。二项式的 n 正整数次幂使用帕斯卡三角的第 n 行作为二项式展开式的系数。例如 n = 2，
Pascal's triangle is an array of the coefficients of the binomial expansion. A binomial raised to a positive integer power of n, uses the nth row of Pascal's triangle as the coefficients of the binomial expansion. For example, if n = 2, then
系数是帕斯卡三角第 n = 2 行的数字:
The coefficients are the numbers in the row n = 2 of Pascal's triangle:
帕斯卡三角在帕斯卡时代之前就已为人所知。波斯数学家阿尔卡拉吉 (Al-Karaji，953–1029) 写了一本现已遗失的书，其中包含二项式系数的公式和帕斯卡三角的最早描述。后来波斯通才奥马尔·海亚姆（Omar Khayyám，1048–1131）也写到帕斯卡三角，因此在伊朗被称为海亚姆三角 (مثلث خیام)。
十一世纪，由于中国开封数学家贾宪（1010–1070）的研究，帕斯卡三角在中国广为人知。1261 年中国最早的三角插图出自杨辉（1238–1298）的《詳解九章算法》，因此在中国仍被称为杨辉三角。杨辉三角也出现在朱世杰（1249–1314）的数学著作《四元玉鉴》，出版于1303年。
十三世纪杨辉三角在欧洲首次出现于乔丹努斯·德·内莫尔（Jordanus de Nemore）的《算术》。在意大利，杨辉三角被称为塔塔利亚三角，以尼科洛·丰塔纳·塔塔利亚（Niccolò Fontana Tartaglia，1500-1577）命名。
法国数学家布莱斯·帕斯卡（Blaise Pascal，1623- 1662）的《算术三角论文》（Traité du triangle arithmétique）于 1665 年，他去世后，出版。1708 年皮埃尔·雷蒙德·蒙莫尔（Pierre Raymond de Montmort，1678- 1719）称其为“帕斯卡先生的组合表”（Table de M. Pascal pour les combinaisons）。1730 年亚伯拉罕·德·莫弗尔（Abraham de Moivre，1667- 1754）将杨辉三角称为“帕斯卡算术三角”（Triangulum Arithmeticum PASCALIANUM），这成为现代西方名称的来源。
Pascal's triangle was known well before Pascal's time. The Persian mathematician Al-Karaji (953–1029) wrote a now-lost book which contained the formulation of the binomial coefficients and the first description of Pascal's triangle. Later, the Persian polymath Omar Khayyám (1048–1131) also wrote about Pascal's triangle, so, in Iran, it is referred to as Khayyám's triangle (مثلث خیام).
Pascal's triangle was well known in China during the 11th century as a result of the research of Chinese mathematician Jiǎ Xiàn (1010–1070). The earliest Chinese illustration of the triangle is in the 1261 book Nine Chapters Explaining Calculation Methods by Yáng Huī (1238–1298), so it is still called Yáng Huī's triangle in China. Yáng Huī's triangle also appears in Zhū ShìJié's (1249–1314) mathematical work Jade Mirror of the Four Unknowns, published in 1303.
In the 13th century, Yáng Huī's triangle appeared for the first time, in Europe, in the Arithmetic by Jordanus de Nemore. In Italy, the Yáng Huī’s triangle is known as the Tartaglia’s triangle, named after Niccolò Fontana Tartaglia (1500-1577).
French mathematician Blaise Pascal's (1623- 1662) Treatise on Arithmetical Triangle (Traité du triangle arithmétique) was published posthumously in 1665. In 1708, Pierre Raymond de Montmort (1678-1719) called it "Mr. Pascal's table for combinations" (Table de M. Pascal pour les combinaisons). In 1730, Abraham de Moivre referred to Yáng Huī's triangle as "Pascal's Arithmetic Triangle" (Triangulum Arithmeticum PASCALIANUM), which became the basis of the modern Western name.
# secretlylovemath
八
我有可能得罪了女同事。她今天说，“我给你介绍的，你一个都没有答理。”
“我没有时间精力去交往。”
“你多大了！难道你不着急吗？”
“我不想当妈妈，不想生孩子。一个男人对我来说有什么用？”
“一开始姑娘们都是这么说的。你要是再拖下去就来不及了。你会后悔！”
“……”
“噢，你是不是同性恋啊？！”
我感觉像在一个笼子里锁着，笼子叫异性恋规范，也被枷带锁抓，枷锁叫直男癌。如果我真是同性恋，我的前景会更好。
Eight
I think I offended my matchmaker. Today, she said, “You ignored all the men I introduced to you.”
“I don’t have the time or energy to date.”
“You’re how old? Aren’t you worried?”
“I don’t want to be a mother, or give birth. Why do I need a man?”
“Everyone says that when they’re young. You can’t keep being single forever. You’re going to regret it!
“...”
“Oh! Are you a lesbian?!”
I feel like I am locked in a cage called heteronormativity, and locked in stocks and chains called the patriarchy.
九
今天数学教授又说我写的定理证明不对，像去加油站买橙汁。昨天她说写定理证明应该像剥香蕉，可是我写得像在剥洋蓟。前天我问教授我写的定理证明为什么不对，她反问，“存在一个紫麒麟，使得 | g(x) - c | < ε 任何时候 | x - a | < 紫麒麟。紫麒麟存在吗？”
我连续两次考试都不及格。一边上班，一边上课，太累了。可是，不这么做，我无法支付学费。
Nine
Today my math professor said my proof is wrong, again; it’s as if I went to the gas station to get orange juice. Yesterday, she said writing a proof should be like peeling a banana, but I write as if I’m peeling an artichoke. The day before yesterday, I asked the professor why my proof was wrong, she rebutted, “There exists a purple unicorn such that
| g(x) - c | < ε any time | x - a | < purple unicorn. Does a purple unicorn exist?”
I failed two tests in a row. Working while studying at the same time is too exhausting. But I have no other choice, I have to pay tuition.
十
大清早，我终于抽空去公共电话亭，给我闺蜜打电话，聊了好久。她担心我在这大男子主义州住太长会被洗脑。
“你千万不能在那儿找男朋友！”
“我来就是想跟X教授学实分析，你不是不知道。我从未想要在这儿安家。”
“你真的一个同事同学都没看上？”
“男生想跟我交往，必须先看《芭比》电影，看懂了才有资格跟我交流。当然我说的是顺性别男生。无性别人、两性别人，祂们我随时随地欢迎。”
“那里还有无性别人、两性别人？”
“有啊！办公室旁边的咖啡店遇到一位无性别人。差不多天天碰见，最近没见踪影。”
“工作怎么样？忙得过来吗？”
“哎呀，还是那样。我说都不想说。可是我最近发现了一个现象。球越小，薪水越高。最底层的男同事喜欢打篮球，中层管理人员喜欢打网球，而主管喜欢打高尔夫球。”
“那总经理、总裁、董事长喜欢玩儿什么？”
“我怎么知道。我只是农民百姓，哪里有机会遇到贵族。”
“球越小……玻璃球比高尔夫球小。他们也许玩弹珠，用弹珠猎杀人，把弹珠射入眼睛。”
“你够残忍！”
“我只是胡思乱想。”
“你创企业有进展吗？”
“今天才搞懂总经理、总裁、和董事长的区别。”
“我到X市参加X的婚礼在卫生间里无意中听到母女对话，母亲正在给女儿解释股票和债券。女儿看上去还不到十岁。”
“啊！我们差得远啦！”
“分隔农民百姓与贵族不仅仅在于金钱。他们跟社会精英相处，有权、有力、有内幕情报等等。”
Ten
Early this morning, I finally found time to call my best friend from a public phone booth. We talked for a long time. She was worried that I would become brainwashed if I lived in chauvinistic X for too long.
“Don’t get a boyfriend in X!”
“I came to study Real Analysis with Professor X, you know that. I never once thought about settling down here.”
“There’s really no one that you like? Not a single classmate or coworker?”
“If a man is interested in me, he must first watch and understand the Barbie movie. Only then will he have the privilege of conversing with me. Of course, I mean cisgender men. I welcome nonbinary and bigender people with open arms.”
“There are nonbinary and bigender people in X?”
“Of course! I met a nonbinary person at the café next to the office. I see them almost every day, but I haven’t seen hide nor hair of them recently.”
“How’s work going? Are you able to balance everything?”
“Ugh, it's still the same. I don't want to talk about it. But recently I noticed a phenomenon: the smaller the ball, the higher the salary. Entry level workers like to play basketball, middle management like to play tennis, and directors like to play golf.”
“What about the CEO, president, and chairperson of the board?”
“How would I know? I’m just a peasant, they are aristocrats. We don’t cross paths.”
“Smaller ball ... a marble is smaller than a golf ball. Maybe they play marbles. Hunting humans with marbles, by shooting a marble into the eye.”
“You’re so cruel!”
“I was just letting my mind wander.”
“Any progress on your business venture?”
“Only today did I figure out the difference between the CEO, president, and chairperson of the board.”
“I went to X to attend X's wedding and overheard a conversation between a mother and daughter. The mother was explaining stocks and bonds to her daughter. The daughter looked less than ten years old.”
“Ah! We never had a chance!”
“The uncrossable chasm that separates the peasants from the aristocracy isn't just money. It's connections with the social elite, authority, power, insider information, etc.”
十一
天鹅忠心耿耿，兔子性欲冲动，大象体贴入微，……
黑漆漆的，不知晚上几点，被警报呼号声吵醒。
有没有可能闺蜜猜中了？假如他们真的用弹珠猎杀人，可得了！我开始怀疑无性别人是不是被弹珠猎杀？
Eleven
The swan is faithful and true, the rabbit is burning with desire, the elephant is compassionate and considerate, ...
It was pitch black. I have no idea what time of night it was, when I woke up to the wailing of sirens.
Is it possible that my best friend guessed right? What if they really did use marbles to hunt humans? How horrific! I am beginning to suspect that maybe the nonbinary person really was murdered by a marble.
十二
今天全没月光，我知道不妙。早上小心出门，领取邮件，发现X送我一张圣诞贺卡。我怀疑有阴谋。她是怎么找到我？除了闺蜜以外，我没有给任何人我的地址。卡上有X的联系方式，我去公共电话亭跟X通话。
“你必须保证你不会告诉任何人我们的对话。”
“好，我保证。”
“你是怎么找到我？”
“我找到你的𠿛讯博客。”
“你有告诉任何人我住在哪里吗？”
“没有。你怕什么？”
“我家人没说什么？”
“没有，只说你的手机打不通。”
“我就怕他们用手机能找到我。”
“发生了什么事让你这么害怕？”
“他们强迫我包办婚姻。”
“啊？哈哈哈，不会吧！”
“大学毕业，想继续读书并获得博士学位。父母坚决反对，说我要是敢申请，就会把我踢出家门。我妈说一个女孩子，拥有学士学位，教育已经过多了，年底必须嫁人。我还是偷偷申请，可是被父亲发现。我爸说何必这么难为自己，嫁给一个富翁可以呆在家里享受艺术爱好什么的，况且即使我被录取也必定失学，不会读完。他说会把我关在家里给外人说我病了，需要休息，我要是还不嫁就喂我安眠药送我去神经病院。我凌晨逃跑。”
“你父母善良明智。我不相信他们会做出这种事，一定只是为了吓唬你。这证明父母特别爱你。”
“是不是我父母托付你来找我？”
“不是，真的不是。我只想送圣诞贺卡，请你参加我家圣诞晚会。”
我记得疫情前去过她家的圣诞晚会。她刚结婚，满脸笑容。她丈夫一直等到我们单独在一起。他装作欣赏我的项链，以此为借口，触摸项链并擦过我的胸口。那时刻，她走进屋里。我不知道她是真没看见还是装没看见。那件事之后，我就再也没有去过她家。
“啊，我住得太远了，当然去不了啦。”
“你再考虑考虑吧。我老公想给你介绍他公司的一位同事。他是基督徒，参加基本生活原则学院（Institute in Basic Life Principles）。”
这学院怎么听着耳熟，想起《闪亮快乐人》（Shiny Happy People）纪录片讲述基本生活原则学院的一些政治活动。我开始怀疑她和酒吧那些人是不是一伙？
她全家都是共和党，都给特朗普投票。有一天，我问她，“为什么选择共和党？” 她说,“因为父母是共和党。” 我又问，“中国人因他而受侮辱，你难道一点都不在意吗？”
共和党和孔子的价值观如此相似，难怪那么多中国人给特朗普投票。
你看她“这证明父母特别爱你”的话，和一伙唱卡拉OK人的歌，和同事们那天的话，明明是暗号。我看出她话中全是毒，笑中全是刀。他们的牙齿，全是白厉厉的排着，这就是要活吞我！
Twelve
No moonlight at all, something is amiss. I cautiously went out to get the mail this morning, and discovered a Christmas card from X. I suspect this is a trap. How did she find me? Other than my best friend, I didn’t tell anyone my address. X’s contact information was on the card, so I went to the public phone booth to call her.
“You must promise not to tell anyone about our conversation.”
“Okay, I promise.”
“How did you find me?”
“I found your Lǔ Xùn Blog.”
“Have you told anyone where I live?”
“No. Why are you so scared?”
“My family didn't say anything?”
“Nothing, only that your cell phone is shut off.”
“I was worried they would trace me through my cell phone.”
“What happened to make you so afraid?”
“They tried to force me into an arranged marriage.”
“What? Hahaha, you’re joking, right?”
“After college, I wanted to continue my studies and obtain a doctorate. My parents absolutely refused and said if I dared to apply, they would kick me out of the house. My mother said a girl with a bachelor’s degree is already overeducated, and I must marry by the end of the year. I still secretly applied, but my father found out. My father asked me why I insisted on making things so hard for myself. I can marry a wealthy man, stay home, and have fun artsy hobbies, and what not. Besides, even if I got in, I will be sure to fail out, I’ll never finish. He said he would lock me up at home and tell people that I’m sick and need rest. If I still refuse to marry, then he’ll feed me sleeping pills and send me to a psychiatric hospital. I managed to escape right before sunrise.”
“Your parents are caring and understanding. I don’t believe they would actually do it. They were just saying that to scare you. This proves that your parents love you very much.”
“Did my parents ask you to find me?”
“No, really, they didn’t. I just wanted to send you a Christmas card and invite you to my family’s Christmas party.”
I remember going to her family’s Christmas party before the pandemic. She was newly married, and couldn’t stop smiling. Her husband waited until we were alone. He pretended to admire my necklace, using that as an excuse to touch it, brushed against my breast. At that moment, she walked in. I couldn’t tell if she really didn’t see or pretended not to see. After that incident, I never went to her house again.
“Oh, I live too far away to go.”
“Why don’t you take some time to think about it? My husband wants to introduce you to a coworker from his company. He’s a Christian and attends the Institute in Basic Life Principles.”
Why did this institute sound so familiar? I recalled the docuseries Shiny Happy People mentioned some of the political activities of the Institute in Basic Life Principles. I am beginning to think that she’s affiliated with the people at the karaoke bar.
Her entire family is Republican and voted for Trump. One day, I asked her, “Why did you choose the Republican Party?” She replied, “Because my parents are Republicans.” Then, I asked, “Chinese people are being disrespected because of him. Doesn’t it bother you?”
The Republican Party and Confucianism have similar values. No wonder so many Chinese people voted for Trump.
Look at her words, “This proves that your parents love you very much.” Along with the karaoke lyrics, and my coworker’s conversations, this is clearly a secret signal. Her words are full of poison and her laughter is full of knives. With white razor sharp teeth all lined up, they are going to swallow me alive!
十三
今天晚上，很好的月光。
今年美国总统选举将于11月5日星期二举行。
救救孩子……
Thirteen
The moonlight tonight is beautiful.
The US presidential election will be on Tuesday, November 5th, this year.
Save the children ...
𠿛讯
Lǔ Xùn
二零二四年一月二十二日。
January 22, 2024
¹This is a parody of 鲁迅 《狂人日记》Lǔ Xùn's Diary of a Madman (1918), which was in turn inspired by Nikolai Gogol's Diary of a Madman (1835).
Translator 译者: 鸑岚朠 Yuè LánYīng
on April 6, 2024
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